11 ways to get to sleep at night

1. Hold your breath until you pass out.

2. Listen to the radio station that plays politicians talking at each other.

3. Drink some arsenic (The minor drawback to this is that you won’t wake up).

4. Repeatedly bang your head against something solid.

5. Count mutant murdering killer chainsaw alien zombie sheep.

6. Jump on your bed just a bit too high.

7. HYPNOSIS!

8. Just do absolutely nothing.

9. Drink anti-coffee (whatever that is)!

10. Stand on your head for as long as you can.

11. Listen to the song “Scarborough fair” 76 times in a row.

asdfghjkl! A short letter to spam.

Dear Spam,

I’ll be blunt. You’re annoying. Very annoying, and you serve no physical purpose whatsoever. You get in the way of what people are trying to say and you just destroy the Internet. People hate you, and you are really really stupid. If the Internet had no spam, milions of gigabytes of information would be saved every day, and yet…

You’re always there for me when I need you. When I need to vent, there you are, inviting me to take out my anger on the keyboard. When I’m lonely because no-one’s emailing me, I can send you to myself and feel special. You are a brief respite from sanity; a candle in the distance, showing us the way to slip away from an awkward conversation and let our brain vomit. 

Thank you for always being there. Thank you for as;ldkflaekrngfladknflwkfa and LKJHERGIU#T*&Q@Y(*&#YEP@(! ASDFGHJKL!SPAMSPAMSPAM!. You are the only thing that can :LAKSJLHJBADLKANFOIUWHD like a )(*&^%$#RTYJKSNDKAJSDbkJB.

Thanks Spam, and good luck.

Love Jo.

DON’T WASTE CHOCOLATE!

Sometimes for dessert we have ice-cream with a bit of chocolate stuck in. Delicious as this is, there is a correct way to do it. Ice-cream does something dulling to your tastebuds which means if you eat chocolate afterwards, you cannot taste it. Not good, I’m sure you’ll agree. 

Chocolate is one of the best things ever invented, and wasting it is a sin. Eat the chocolate first, PLEASE! Otherwise I will have to hunt you down and take away all your chocolate so someone can enjoy it.

PICTURES!!!!

I thought I’d post a few pictures, because my blog at the moment is mostly text and looks a bit daunting. After all, a picture tells a thousand words! (And a video tells a thousand pictures) My blog does need some brightening up. Maybe I’ll post photos regularly.

 

Let me know if you think I should do this regularly =)

 

 

Just Do It.

You know that novel you planned on writing but never got around to finishing? And that song you were going to write? And weren’t you going to go on a holiday soon? 

 

As humans, we are amazing at procrastination. Stuff we really want to do often never gets done. Too often, we just sit around watching TV until it’s too late and then convince ourselves we never really wanted it. But why should we? It doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t we prefer to do something amazing than do nothing? We’re just lazy, I guess. But we don’t have to be.

 

So, go do that stuff you want to. Just for a little while, forget about all your life admin and have some fun; have some experiences. Life is short – eat dessert first.

 

Just DO it.

I can’t think of anything to write…

I’ve tried lots of stuff. I’ve googled blog ideas, I’ve slapped myself, I’ve massaged my temples, I’ve eaten chocolate, but I can’t seem to think of an inspiring, funny or just generally half-decent thing to write about.

So, I thought, let’s write a blog post about not being able to think of anything to write! Which I just did.

But it’s not very long. How about I also write about it not being very long yet? Oh wait, I just did (ironic jokes, good…). Again.

Actually, you know what? This post can be about writer’s block! That thing where your ideas just seem to have dried up suddenly and everything you write feels wrong. I have writer’s block at the moment, and even now I have something to write about, it’s not coming through very well. Now I have writer’s block about writer’s block. Which has given me something to write about, and thus removed my writers block! Yay!

I just talked a lot without saying anything. It’s a useful life skill!

Spiral Of Brain Short-Circuiting

Sometimes I think too much.

It will usually start with me trying to think about nothing, just for fun or relaxation or whatever.

Then I realise I’m thinking about thinking about nothing, so I try to stop, but then I realise I’m thinking about trying to stop thinking about thinking about nothing.

Then I realise that I just realised that I’m thinking about trying to stop thinking about thinking about nothing.

Then I think to myself: This is ridiculous!

Then I realise I just thought about it being ridiculous.

Then I realise I just realised I just thought about it being ridiculous.

Then I realise I just realised I just realised I just thought about it being ridiculous

Then I realise that I’m going around in circles.

Then I realise I just realised that I was going around in circles.

Then I realise I just realised that I just realised that I was going around in circles.

Then I realise I’m going around in circles thinking about going around in circles.

Then I realise I will keep going around in circles thinking about going around in circles.

Then I realise that I realised that I will keep going around in circles thinking about going around in circles.

THEN MY BRAIN SHORT-CIRCUITS AND EXPLODES!